And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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