Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
