Banned from zoo.
Again?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
