The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
