I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
