Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
