look no pants
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Randomize
