went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
