I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
