thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
