She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
