Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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