just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
