I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
