If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
