Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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