found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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