I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
