You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
