I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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