Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
