Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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