Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
