It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
