Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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