Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
