Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
