the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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