I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
