There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
