moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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