I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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