I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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