The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
