something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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