I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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