I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize