Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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