Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
My vagina just clenched in fear
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
