sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
