All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
