I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
