I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
