who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Randomize
