I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
