I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Randomize
