i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
