Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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