so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
FUCK WHALES
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