did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
