Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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