i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
there is glitter all over my balls
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