so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
