Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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