happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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