She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
