its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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