I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
