Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize