so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
