I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
