After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
