i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
