im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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