I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
