if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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