Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
