Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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