the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
