Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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