At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
