I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
