Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I could fuck to npr.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
