I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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