he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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