In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
