the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
