Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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