Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
