I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
