Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Randomize
