theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
