The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize