All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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