Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
