I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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