You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
