if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
