sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
