i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
