i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
