with your own penis?
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
