Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Randomize
