she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
