you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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