I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
i think my cat just said my name.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize