hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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