Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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