Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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