first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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