the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
