did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
