look no pants
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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