Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Soap is not a condiment
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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